This is the moment when you start praying
perhaps for the first time in your life
perhaps for the first time you’ve really meant it
perhaps as a matter of habit
perhaps as a leap of faith
perhaps for the last time
or before you reconcile yourself to the truth.
Perhaps you pray
to a specific God
to all gods
to the people around you
or, recklessly, to anyone.
Perhaps you pray
because you feel alone
because you feel unprepared
because you’re scared
or even grateful
Perhaps you count your blessings
perhaps they are:
1.) I am not sick
2.) no one I love is sick.
Perhaps this is not what Meister Eckhart had in mind when he said that thank you is the purest form of prayer.
Perhaps you pray because you’re confused or hurt
perhaps you pray because you feel forsaken, unloved, unsaved, unsalvageable
perhaps you pray because you feel the spinning/out/of/control
perhaps you pray because you feel responsible, because you must make decisions and you don’t want to do it alone.
Perhaps you pray for pestilence to skip your house, or the houses of those you love
perhaps you pray for an after
perhaps you pray for a hand to hold,
Perhaps you pray for 28 seconds today in which you feel free, or connected
perhaps you pray for the stock market to recover
or a person to recover
or a cure.
Perhaps you pray for a different government or at the least a lie-detector
or even a bit of crisp, clean, true information or air.
Perhaps you pray for an America that stops trivializing everything, commodifying everything, selling souls for a few points on the Dow
perhaps you pray for billions to be injected, like so many missing immunizations, into safety net programs
perhaps you pray, now more than ever before,
for an end to hunger
for year-round hot-water sinks in public parks
for paid sick leave
for insurance that ensures something, anything.
I don’t know what you pray for,
but eventually you do,
there on your knees
unadorned and abandoned.